Free coffee!

A fair amount of content from my last two blogs came from either A. recent frustrating experiences or B. feedback based on my account of those experiences. I ran into a weird problem over the weekend where I spent most of my time with people whom I adore and therefore don't have much additional content to whine about.

So I'll address an alternate piece of feedback I received from a post two blogs ago wherein I supposedly decried the use of tinder.

I understand that it's difficult for flip-floppers such as myself to point to specific evidence to support any of my claims. Luckily I'm quoting myself here so it shouldn't be an issue.

(The context here is about me not actively pursuing any sort of romantic relationship)

"Unless of course you count swiping through Tinder. Which you shouldn't." 

To my complete lack of surprise, there were some who managed to misinterpret this. I did not intend to say that swiping one's way through Tinder can't lead to any sort of romantic relationship or that any relationship based from the Tinder app is flimsy. I meant to say that repeatedly moving my thumb in a rightward motion should not be compared to approaching people in real life.

And this brings up another somewhat relevant topic: Tinder!

I had a close friend sit over my shoulder as I swiped my way through the past few days portion of matches. As I swiped right or left depending on my expert analysis of the roughly 800x600 pixel photo of a human being, I captured a few audibly dissatisfied noises from my apparent supervisor....

Oh what's that? You'd like a complete guide on how to get Sean Kennedy to swipe right on your photo in Tinder? Well congrats you fucking weirdo this one is for you I guess

Though as I began that guide I came to the conclusion that it is probably simpler to know what will get me to not swipe right on you.

1. Your picture is of you on top of a mountain or something
Okay Hi I'm Sean and we haven't met. I saw your display picture on Tinder though, and I am already exhausted by you. I'm all for hiking and seeing things but the fact that you choose to attract people by expressing: "I like to go outside and climb things that are very inconvenient" tells me that you're probably more mature in your hobbies than I am and that I'd want to take a nap about three minutes after meeting you.

2. You're in a photo with six other similar looking people
I apologize because you're probably an incredible human being, but the fact that I can't tell who you are in a group of attractive people just puts me off and creates an awkward 80's sitcom situation where I match with you and one of your friends on Tinder and meet one of you for a date and have no idea which one you actually are. Yes, I have denied potential matches on Tinder because of this ridiculous probability.

3. Your photo is you with a bunch of dudes around you
It's hard for me to back this one up. The honest truth is I'm already too jealous of all of these men I've never met to give myself the opportunity to be rejected. In reality your photo likely just showcases that you're mature enough to have a wide spectrum of friends not limited by gender, which is something I appreciate in literally anyone.

Attaining a right sliding swipe is far easier:
1.Have a photo with you and your cat
2. Don't not have a photo with a cat
3. Cats

Moving on slightly I feel sort of lame about addressing feedback I've received from the last few posts of mine. The last thing I want is for feedback to stop coming (i.e. keep praising me please) and I fear that when I take silly opinions offered to me and make fun of them, that I'm discouraging people from responding in the first place. I hate to apologize for making fun of people with shitty opinions about other humans beings, so I'm going to avoid doing that and proclaim I'll do a better job of covering your identity when you let loose horrible statements. Looking at you there, Jeff.

Sidenote, something that has really encouraged my writing as of late: the correct people have told me that they enjoy it. I've had close friends contact me informing me that they enjoy my writing style as of late, and I ironically I can't put into words how much that just tickles me. In addition there have been a few cases where individuals who I am in consistent contact with informed me that they again have enjoyed my updated to this silly blog I started in 2009.

Regardless it's cheaper than a movie and there's free coffee.

Massive sigh

Once upon a time some bullshit happened introduction paragraph over

So one of the biggest criticisms I have with myself that spans back as long as I can remember is how damn soft I can be. Soft- not as in nice and squishy to hug (because I am nicer as hell to hug it's like hugging a friendly bear) but soft as in I'm somewhat easy to just walk over. And I do generally just let it happen. It's usually not until a few hours after the fact that it really impacts me that that just happened, and then I usually cook up some fantastic phrases I should have used in the moment.

I mean seriously if I could have all of your statements prepared and an hour to study and come up with comparable responses I could win seriously any argument ever. Aside from that my chances are slim.

Also I'd almost like to put a tag on my life that says any interaction you have with me is fair game to be blogged about. Like entering a room with me is equivalent to signing a waiver that "oh shit k, sean can tell the internet about this." Some people would be all about it because they could read some cool interesting shit, but the vast majority of people whom I actually enjoying engaging with probably wouldn't be huge proponents.... And the people I actually spend with take priority soooooo

I received some interesting feedback on my previous blog post. The majority that I got from guys basically said "I consider myself sort of sexist but I do alright with the ladies." And you know what? Fine. I don't demand perfection. But there was one special case from a guy we'll call Jeff. Jeff tells me he absolutely hates feminism (cough women) and totally banged like twelve chicks last night. Well Jeff that's fantastic for you and I hope your chlamydia doesn't get as lonely as you eventually will be.

Aside from Jeff my favorite piece of feedback came in the form of a complaint that I did not bitch about things women do in the dating world, whereas I "made men look like a bunch of retards." I did not realize the Fairness Doctrine applied to my blog, but I'll take the under consideration.

And I mean this is where the waiver thing would come in handy. If you're so confident in your opinions then I legitimately encourage you to express them in a similar way and I absolutely welcome the feedback you will inevitably receive. Please feel free to call me out on anything related to the material in my recent posts and I will address it. I'm also happy to continue responding to your complaints in private, just know that picking apart my opinions in private is somewhat lame when I post them for anyone to read and have no arena to reply, except I guess for future blog posts.

Moving on to story time I went out to a bar tonight for a bit. It was a nice time frustrating experience. I'm friends on facebook with many of the attendees but I am strangely not concerned that they will take the time to read my blog, so here goes.

Sigh, you know what, it isn't worth the effort. I'll cliffnote it and just say being used as a tool to make someone else jealous is a pretty shitty feeling.

Initially when I cross outed "a nice time" up above, I was going to replace it with "a total waste of a night." But the fact of the matter is I did at least learn some valuable info regarding what type of people I should be investing my time into.

Dude remember when my blog used to be all fluffy and light? I agree being real is much more satisfying.

Cutting this one short. But holy hell writing this helped so damn much.

I wish the word lame was still used more

It can be real tough to get a blog started. The process usually goes something along the lines of focusing, solely in my head, on one random topic enough that I eventually develop enough commentary on to the point where it's unfair to verbalize it all at once to one or a few people and expect them to actually absorb what I'm saying. My assertion here is not that everyone's attention span is extremely limited, simply that I can be far more captivating in writing versus speech at most times. I'm not entirely sure why, I do know that when I start a sentence and multiple people start paying attention, I generally freeze up and cut the phrase as short as possible and immediately brush attention off to someone else in the vicinity. Whereas a blog offers the ability to read top to bottom without my tripping over my words and quickly losing your interest AND I get to be the center of attention (which is secretly my favorite).

Okay intro is finished thanks college, anyway relationships nowadays am I right? If you've been even remotely paying attention to me (which you damn well better be I'm a delight) then you're aware of the fact that my relationship which spanned five years came to an abrupt conclusion back toward the end of 2015. This was one of many things which contributed to the rather lengthy downward spiral I journeyed through while living in Seattle.

I spent most of my time in Seattle alone in my room doing nothing to improve myself. There were attempts- vague ones on my part to get my figurative shit together, but there was usually just enough of a force working against me that I generally threw in the towel early on things. The point I'm getting at here is that due to a combination of factors ranging from significant to inane, I really have not put any effort into pursuing a relationship.

Unless of course you count swiping through Tinder. Which you shouldn't.

And here I am, single and possibly sane enough to enter the dating world for the first time since 2011. I am of course, absolutely clueless about how dating even works. I was very fortunate to have met Mallory under the circumstances we did, i.e. just drunk enough to be somewhat socially competent. And that was generally the environment we hung out in at first, so we were able to move past our horribly awkward selves thanks to our good friend Smirnoff, and somehow that ended up working for me.

Sadly I'm no longer in college and drunkenly hanging out with legitametly cool people happens far less than it used to (not during the week anymore).

Beyond that using alcohol as a crutch has been speculated to be bad, but I don't see any science to support this.

So recently I sent a text to a girl I had met the night prior, and I never received a response. It wasn't the end of the world or anything obviously, but when I asked for input from a friend, I was blown away by their response.

"You should have waited three days. You texted to soon."

And I'm like, are you fucking serious is that a thing? I was confident that was some bullshit trope only in 90's sitcoms and the like. Convinced this had to be just one person's view, when the topic arose with a different friend a few days following, his response was the same.

Now there could be million reasons that she didn't respond, and that really has nothing to do with this. It just sparked the thought process. I am not trying to make the point that it had anything to do with the amount of time I waited or didn't wait. Aside from that situation entirely, I'm just honestly surprised this sort of thing is still a norm, and what the hell other rules are there that I'm woefully unaware of?

There are times when I wish I could just skip to the long-term part of a relationship. Just skip the annoying fake parts at the beginning and just fast-forward to being wonderfully comfortable with another person. I am aware that this is sort of crazy and has no chance of working but the idea of skipping past bullshit games and the like nice. If there are vibes of some sort, I'd prefer getting to know someone and discerning quickly whether there's any possible romantic future with them, is that strange? Is it odd that after meeting someone I'm sort of excited about talking to them again soon? Am I just this impatient?

These are all questions I was under the impression I knew the answer to. I get that the "game" or whatever can be exciting to some people, but it isn't to me, and I certainly imagine it won't be in this made up future lady I'm somehow dating.

To be clear I'm not whining about being single or anything, I'm not saying anyone is terrible for their preference in dating styles or that everyone is just a dirty whore. It's simply my opinion ya jabronis.

Switching topics ever so slightly, there's this weird correlation between guys I've known over the years being very single and very sexist. Now I am aware that correlation does not necessarily imply causation, but I am convinced there is a relationship between the fact that some of you collectively refer to women by either one of their body parts, or simply as "bitches," and the fact that you haven't gotten laid in over a year.

Bonus points for complaining about all women and how they are awful for not liking you, being such a nice guy... with the sole interest of a one night stand. I'm not trying to say casual sex is a bad thing just that condemning an entire gender because of your shitty pickup lines is lame. And this brings us full circle to the title of this blog and why more people should use the word lame.